Thank God She's Back: Sandy H. Overcomes Illness To Guest Blog For Us While We Draw More Drawerings For You

So I missed a few weeks of DWTS, and my plan was to catch up on the stars and their dance moves online.  This means walking all the way to the second floor office and potentially watching HOURS of television to catch minutes of dance (I tried; I just couldn’t).  Do you realize how much they stretch this show?!  Last night the remaining five couples danced two dances for a minute and a half each. That’s a grand total of fifteen minutes of dancing out of one hundred and twenty minutes, most of it spent on miscellaneous chatter and nonsense. 

We had:  Jennifer’s dad telling her the show must go on and an orthopedist telling her maybe it shouldn’t, Kurt’s children giggling over silly scripted lines, and Bristol’s parents marveling at her tango.  In a pretty hilarious bit, Steve-O tried to teach Kyle not to be distracted from The Dance by what’s going on around you. Where were Brandy’s peeps?  I have no idea.  I was exhausted by this time. 

But enough about me and my frustrations.  Let’s have a pop quiz. Who killed hours of prime time Monday night with the following insightful questions:  “How proud are you of yourself?”, “How happy are you right now?”, “Where’s the drive coming from to see you through?”, “How challenging is this for you?”, and the ever popular “How do you feel?” alternating with the equally popular “How did that feel?” 

Correct if you answered Brooke Burke!  And Brooke doesn’t care what the answer is!  Frankly I don’t think she’d notice if they answered: “I’m not happy, have no drive, and do not find this challenging at all.” She has said that she has an earpiece so the producers can tell her what’s going on, how much time she has, and when to go to commercial.  At the same time she has to ask questions and comment on the answers.  This is HARD.  Well, if they were paying her a hundred a week or so, I’d say, yeah, maybe, but they’re probably paying her at least twice that, so can’t she figure out how to show some interest in what the contestants are saying? 

Monday night featured DWTS’s first ever “insta-dances” in addition to the dances the couples had practiced all week. For the insta-dance the contestants knew which dance they would be doing but did not know the song to which they would be doing it until minutes before they danced.  Apparently this was not that tricky, as the insta-dances provided some of the highest scores of the season, with Kyle getting two 10s and a 9 and Jennifer the first 10s all across.  Brandy and Jennifer ended the evening tied for first place, each with total scores of 57.  In her first dance, the quick step, Jennifer managed three 9s.  Brandy’s first dance, a waltz, was “an exquisite interpretation of a song, a symphony," according to Bruno and earned her a 29.  Her insta-cha cha yielded a 28 and some testy words between judge Carrie Ann and Brandy’s partner Maks. (Well, when you start an instant dance with a few seconds of walking down the stairs, you can expect repercussions from the judges.  They hate that).  Kyle ended the evening just one point below the two leading ladies with a 56.  The judges gave his first dance, a waltz, three 9s with Len telling him, “You were a bulb last week and this week you’re an orchid.”  His insta-jive to “Good Golly Miss Molly” was a huge hit.  He had the crowd on its feet, and Carrie Ann said it was “the most fun she’s had on the show this season.”

Now you may want to be sitting down for this next piece of news: the two at the bottom of the leaderboard were Kurt with 48 and Bristol with 47. So why do people continue to vote for these two?  In spite of their obvious lack of musicality and natural dance abilities, they both just keep soldiering on, clearly trying as hard as their more talented opponents with weaker results.  Personally I think Kurt is adorable, and Bristol has overcome her shyness of the early weeks.  Now she’s at least giving Brooke more than a one-word answer to those ridiculous questions.  They and their partners were obviously disappointed with their 8s, but honestly, I thought 8s were about right – even generous.  So do you think Bristol and Kurt will be in the semi-finals next week?  We’ll have to tune in tonight to find out.  I thought Audrina would be in the finals, so I’m staying away from any more predictions.

Sandy H. picked up a few of these guys on the cruise ship,
but thank God she didn't let it stop her from enjoying two painful hours of DWTS.

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