Minnie Mouse the Moocher

Our new roommate is an inconsiderate moocher.  I almost never see her (she's a party animal all night and sleeps all day - the lazy b****), but I know she eats all of my peanut butter and doesn't even have the decency to step properly on the trap to allow the metal spring to end her life.  What is so hard about that?

Wasting any food is a sin, but wasting peanut butter - even the accidentally purchased reduced fat kind - should be a criminal offense punishable by death.  And that's exactly how we intend to punish her.

I'd rather she just move out so we don't have to dispose of her corpse, but I'm going to start with a passive aggressive note - like any normal disgruntled roommate would do - to see if that gets her attention.

***UPDATE***: Our roommate took a trip up to heaven not-so-peacefully last night, but she went the way I want to go, if I may choose: with a mouth full of peanut butter.