Wednesday Shame: Heidi Montag Isn't Any Worse Than Anything Else On The Radio

Since I no longer frequent gay clubs with my BFF Jeff as much as I'd like these days, I rely heavily on him to provide me with fierce workout music. A few months ago, he mailed me over 700 tracks. A nice move by a great friend, yes, but also perhaps a hint that I need to work out a LOT.

Until yesterday, I had listened to them all, except for one final frontier I had left to conquer: Heidi Montag's self-produced album Superficial, which lead to extreme public ridicule and her personal loss of over $2 million. Derrick and I have made fun of her mercilessly since before she recorded it when she told reporters that her album would be would be "basically Madonna, with a little bit of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, with some Spice Girls, Janet Jackson, Jessica Simpson, Cher, Pink, Diana Ross, Beyonce, The Go-Go's, JoJo, Hilary Duff, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson and The Bangles thrown in there too!"*** Perhaps I wasn't giving Heidi enough credit - because really, why would I? - but she was right. It really does sound like all of those things. For a 5 a.m. workout, I seek out the most mindless music I can find, and I have found that in Heidi.

A few lyrical highlights from the title track:

It isn't fair / That I wear diamonds for breakfast / And I know this isn't helping / They say I'm superficial / Some call me a bitch / They just mad / 'cause I'm sexy, famous and I'm rich.

All I'm saying is, if I had to spend my afterlife in the 7th circle of hell, and Satan allowed me to choose between listening to Heidi Montag and Nickelback for all of eternity, I would choose Heidi.

***Not a direct Heidi quote, but this was essentially what she said.