Too Fat To Function

I have a new idea for a reality show and you have to promise not to steal it from me. It's called Fat People With Bad Attitudes because there is, apparently, nothing more watchable (or bankable) than a fat person with a bad attitude.

My favorite new fat person with a bad attitude on a docu-drama is Scotty from the Style network's Too Fat to Function Too Fat for Fifteen. Scotty's favorite activities include sitting around, complaining, hypochondria, and pissing off other students at Wellspring by somehow managing to lose weight without really trying. You will also find similarly amazing characters on Wife Swap (a true gem), The Biggest Loser (fantastic to watch during a big Chinese take-out dinner), and Celebrity Fit Club (where Dustin Diamond's career went to be euthanized).

Derrick and I have a hard time relating to the children on Too Fat for Fifteen, who have no energy or desire to move around. We both grew up in small Southern towns going for bike rides, climbing trees, and after running out of other activities, kicking a soccer ball against the outside brick wall of the house (and for me, occasionally and accidentally hitting Sandy H.'s French doors - oops).

Of course, as adults, we fully understand the merit of lying around motionless, watching crappy TV about fat people.

A few highlights from an amazing episode of Wife Swap: