10.11.2010

Best Wishes To The Frickin Newlyweds

Sandy H. writes: "Just perusing the women's sports section.  Ms. Bloom married Mr. Frickin in Chapel Hill at Fearrington Village, with bridesmaids' luncheon in the South Parlor of the Carolina Inn and the rehearsal dinner at Top of the Hill.  Sounds nice, except I wouldn't want to be Mrs. Frickin.  Too many Frickin jokes can be made with this name."

Mom is right, and not just about the Frickin name.  The small-but-noisy parakeet-like feminist inside us shakes her head at the notion that the Celebrations page of the Sunday paper is viewed as the women's sports section, but the keeping-it-real garbage-eating pigeon in us knows it's true, especially in the South.  There, you can date a man for several years and be pitied for being perfectly happy with your unmarried life and not placing some sort of proposal ultimatum on his stopwatch - not that we would know what that's like. 

Once you've made it to the Celebrations page, where in some circles you will already be deemed a winner, how will the rest of us ultimately determine who the real winners and losers of this page are?  Of course, the true winner is any bride who marries the right groom for herself, and blah blah blah, cupcakes and rainbows, but since we can't tell that from an announcement, we'll go straight to the more superficial bullet points for spotting the losers.

There is a 100% chance that these brides are wearing tiaras, and their bridal portraits sometimes feature stuffed animals from their childhoods.  Before you scoff at this like it's something we made up, believe us, we've seen it before, and not just with a stuffed animal - with a Cabbage Patch doll.  There is probably mention of a "miniature bride and groom" as part of the bridal party.  The cake topper was totally hilarious and involved a plastic bride dragging her plastic groom across the top tier.  It's funny because men don't want to get married!  Ha ha!

There are so many excellent avenues to take to play voyeur to these loser weddings.  If you are looking for a laugh sometime this week, and want to reaffirm the fact that your wedding had/is going to have a "W" next to it on the Celebrations page, the CiB team recommends checking out Tacky WeddingsWedinator, or the tangentially-related and always amazing Cake Wrecks.  

Men HATE commitment!  He's really in for it now, I tell ya!  
How hysterical and not even remotely cliche!

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