Sandy H. and the Dancing With The Stars Recep: Week 3

“Walk with your feet.  Dance with your heart,” from Judge Len Goodman to Audrina.

We had to say bye bye to Michael Bolton who received the only “3” anyone can remember a DWTS judge ever give.  Happily, last week was not a total loss for Michael.  He was mentioned on Glee – not in an entirely positive way, unfortunately.  Glee kids don’t actually sing “Adult Contemporary,” or, apparently, even enjoy listening to it.  Still, a mention is a mention.  AND, because Susan Boyle got a sore throat and can’t perform Tuesday night, Michael gets a gig singing on DWTS. (Better than Michael dancing.)

I balanced my checkbook yesterday afternoon, and I have numbers on my mind, so here goes:

         6 ½:  The number of dancers – Stars or Pros - who removed an article of clothing.  This week’s theme was "Dances that Tell a Story."  Taking off your clothes shows the judges you’re Really Getting into Character.  Rick gets the ½ for being a tease, unbuttoning his shirt but not removing it.  Another week has passed without The Situation showing that body part he so wants us to see.  And, even after the removal of a trenchcoat, Bristol still wore enough clothes for an arctic winter.  More on this later.

         1 – The Crying Count was down this week, with only Florence weepy over reminders of her late husband.

         2 – Comeback Kids: Two close-but-not-quites of the last couple of weeks danced into my heart, so a few little *s go to Audrina for her lovely waltz.  The story was something about dancing with her soldier-lover. Or maybe he was a ghost.  Whatever.  At least there wasn’t all that saluting people did last week.  Judge Len told her she had “danced with her heart.”  Audrina got the highest score of the season so far, a 26, with Bruno and Len both giving her 9s.  BTW, somebody please go get that girl a cheeseburger.

Also a few little *s to Brandy for a nice bounce back from a less than stellar performance last week.  She got a 24.  Extra *s to her for putting up with being spanked in rehearsal by her partner.  That was really tacky.  (Just gossip here, so don’t pay ANY attention to this, but, supposedly her partner Maks thinks she’s a diva and is doing what he can to get her off the show.  Of course, I for one don’t listen to gossip, but he definitely doesn’t have the chemistry he had last season with Erin Andrews.)

Also receiving 24s were Jennifer and Rick – both doing sambas.  Jennifer got a little mixed up somewhere in there, and those mean judges, one after the other, had to keep pointing it out.  Rick and Kurt (who got a 23) are both natural athletes but not natural dancers.  Maybe the judges are a little kinder to them than they deserve, but both really seem to enjoy themselves.  Also with a 23, Kyle – I’ve still not met anyone who’s ever heard of him – is a joy to watch, just surprisingly graceful.  Carrie Ann said she could “feel his passion out to his fingertips!” I hope people vote for him even if they’ve never heard of him.

Lower down the leader board but probably safe cause who’s not going to vote for Mrs. Brady, Florence Henderson (in a corset-y dirndl showing more cleavage than Bristol) received a 20 with her v e r y   v e r y  s l o w  a n d  s l e e p y waltz to “Edelweiss,” arguably one of the most annoying songs in history. Her partner also sported military garb.  They love that stuff on DWTS. The audience loves her, but the judges not so much this week. Tied right there with Florence is The Situation who’s not as awful as I thought he would be.  He and his partner danced to “Boom Boom Pow” by The Black-Eyed Peas.  Maybe not what Fred Astaire would have chosen for a foxtrot but it kinda kept your mind off his dancing.  It was some kind of time travel thing that made Len say, “If that’s the future, I’m glad I live in the past.”

And down at the bottom were Bristol (with a 19) and Margaret (with an 18).  Bristol stopped by the Golden Girls’ yard sale this weekend and picked up a frock for the evening.  I swear they use so much yardage on her clothes there’s no fabric left for Audrina and Brandy who have to go backless every week.  I mean, you can be modest, but this is crazy.  Mostly the judges criticized Bristol’s acting ability, not her above-average foxtrot.  “I know there’s something in there.  Show it to me, Baby,” Bruno told her.  Well, Bruno, that’s almost exactly what I’ve been telling her the last few weeks and she hasn’t listened.  And, frankly, I think showing a little skin wouldn’t hurt her scores either.  

Margaret, wearing a rainbow-fringed outfit, did a samba dedicated to being “out.”  I think.  “This is the gayest thing that has ever happened, so I could not contain myself,” she explained.  The judges praised the message but not the dance.  Sadly, someone will be eliminated Tuesday night.  That said, we do have The Return of Michael Bolton to look forward to!

I love any excuse to put up a picture of the Girls.

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