Sandy H. Brings You Dancing With The Stars Recap Week 2: "Ya Gotta Take Chances If You're Gonna Win Dances"

Even when they’re terrible, I’m always sad for the first person booted off a competition reality show.  I mean, whether you’re a celebrity or a civilian, and whether you’re dancing or cooking, it must be embarrassing.  I have read that on The Apprentice they offer psychiatric counseling to the weekly losers. The person relating that story said that, on being offered counseling, she declined, telling them, “Really? I mean - I’m okay.  You know, this is a TV show.”  That said, The Hoff is history on DWTS.  Although I’ve never really forgiven him for Baywatch, I still want to say sorry to Germany.

This week Michael Bolton dazzled with his terrible-ness.  Never in all my Dancing with the Stars viewing years have I seen a judge give a “3.”  But when you start your dance by crawling out of a doghouse, you invite all sorts of “pooper scooper” and  “doggy mess” analogies from the judges, who were not kind.  I AM kind, but I’m afraid Michael will be saying bye-bye Tuesday night.

Crying contestant count this week:  Two.

First: Audrina, whose problem was that she is practicing so much she never gets to see her boyfriend. That, Readers, is what passes for a difficult life when you are beautiful and young and live in LA.  And second: Margaret, whose happiness doing the jive made her exclaim, “I’m actually a dancer!”  Well, you’re better than last week, Margaret, but Michael Jackson’s ghost is not exactly worried sick about the competition.

Jennifer Grey’s jive gave her the highest score of the evening, but the boos from the audience seemed to indicate they thought she deserved more.  Her journey to this season’s DWTS started less than a year ago with a routine physical to be sure she was fit enough for the show.  The doctor discovered cancer.  Thank goodness for her that she has since been treated and cured.  Thank goodness for us because, if Dancing with the Stars saved her life, she is saving this season’s DWTS. (There is some online discussion that the boos were for Sarah Palin, in the audience to watch her daughter Bristol.  I prefer to think of the DWTS audience as polite, dance-centric folks, passionate about the judges’ numbers and not polling numbers).

The other dancers seemed to be just running – literally, cause they were doing the jive and quickstep – to keep up.  Audrina and Rick hung in there.  Kyle was delightful, and, for someone not exactly in shape - he trains with cheeseburgers - he was awfully good.  Margaret Cho dropped last week’s bad comedy routine and now just needs to train her face to stop looking weird.  She says that’s “just what my face is like.  I can’t help it.”  Good answer.  The Situation is trying, Lord knows, but his pleas to his partner to dance to “club music or hip hop” sadly have gone unheeded.  His partner Karina had a death grip on him trying desperately to lead him, but at some point he decided to start counting steps – not a good idea because he and Karina were on different counts.  My prediction:  he’s safe at least until he has at least one ab-baring dance.  Token Old Person Florence isn’t bad, but the quickstep is an exhausting number. 

Kurt is just so likeable and he really does have rhythm.  For some reason Brandy did a silly shimmy solo this week.  I didn’t like it and the judges didn’t either.  Was that her idea or her partner’s?  She says it was his, but I’m not so sure.  Bristol, Sweetheart, you’ve gotta show some personality.  You really don’t want to be known only for (a) having a famous mother and (b) getting knocked up.

So Judge Len Goodman’s advice this week to Bristol: “Ya gotta take chances if you’re gonna win dances” applies to all of the above. They’ve all got their hearts in the right place, but the magic’s just not there yet for most of them. They’ve gotta step it up if they want my ****s.

Two notes from Leigh Ann: does Bristol Palin have a personality?  Second, when I first saw the stars at the end of Mom's recap, I thought it read "... if they want my s***" and I was all like, whoa, Mom.  Whoa.

Bristol Palin's personality on full display. 
Wonder what's going on behind those expressive eyes?

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