I was cruising down the main drag of campus yesterday on my way to meet Derrick for a soupy burrito bowl at Chipotle and the following things made me sad:
1. The freshmen were all born the same year that The Real World was still casting people with actual life goals the first season of The Real World premiered.
2. No one invited me to their frat parties.
3. There were freshman boys who were dressed better than I was.
These were the least of my worries. This walkway was crowded, and I mean like Mumbai crowded. I heard pieces of thousands of conversations and it felt like that scene in What Women Want where a pre-anger-management Mel Gibson is overwhelmed by hearing every woman's thoughts all at the same time.
But the thing at which I have to shake my angry, wrinkled, age spot-ridden fist, which is connected to my decrepit, Medicalert bracelet-wearing wrist, is this generation of whippersnappers and their insatiable need to text during any millisecond of pure mundane activity. The texting while driving is crap-my-Depends scary, but I'd like to do a public service announcement about T.W.W.: Texting While Walking.
I was dodging kids left and right who weren't looking where they were going and didn't care - like a game of human Frogger. I am too young to have ever played Frogger but old enough to comprehend references to it. Thank you, Seinfeld reruns!
Don't even get me started on something terrible I witnessed a few weeks ago: T.W.S.I.T.B.C.S.N.L.: Texting While Skateboarding - In The Busy City Street, No Less. SRSLY.
The following is a short news clip of a magnificent Staten Island girl named Alexa who was casually texting while walking one day without a care in the world when she suddenly fell into a sewer manhole. My favorite part is that everyone in this video is pissed off at the city for leaving a manhole uncovered temporarily for servicing, and never once does the girl say, "Yeah. I ended up covered in the most foul Staten Island shit because I'm an idiot."
The following is a short news clip of a magnificent Staten Island girl named Alexa who was casually texting while walking one day without a care in the world when she suddenly fell into a sewer manhole. My favorite part is that everyone in this video is pissed off at the city for leaving a manhole uncovered temporarily for servicing, and never once does the girl say, "Yeah. I ended up covered in the most foul Staten Island shit because I'm an idiot."
Remember that movie where the girl falls in a manhole and discovers a whole 'nother world?
ReplyDelete